Transitions are apart of life. Some are expected, planned for and welcomed, while others… not so much.
Unexpectedly losing a job, a loved one, encountering financial burdens or a relationship ending, can be difficult to manage and hard to manuver. Even the transitions we expect or see coming can be challenging to navigate.
I personally have quite a few BIG transitions I am currently making my way through, sometimes successfully and sometimes well… not.
I turned the BIG 50 this year.
My son is graduating High School and will be moving across the country for college.
My parents are selling their home (my childhood home) after 50 years and moving onto to a new phase of life.
And like many of you… many more “smaller” shifts in life and work that are constantly are in play.
So it makes sense that the idea of how to THRIVE through these transitions, is at forefront of my mind. Some days I feel confident that I am handling all these big changes with ease and grace. Seeing them for what they are and not attaching labels or emotions to them. Taking them piece by piece, stage by stage. But I have also notice that some days are not so easy. I start to compartmentalize, let emotions take over, ruminate or worry about the what ifs and have beens.
There is nothing WRONG with having good days and challenging days, in fact, it’s completely normal! What is most important is that you are aware of how these transitions are affecting you. As I have said before, MANAGE YOUR EMOTIONS BEFORE THEY MANAGE YOU.
There are 3 phases of a TRANSITION*:
Ending : Something has ended or changed. You may feel loss, sadness, resistance, denial, anger or uncertainty or relief.
Neutral Zone: Bridge between old and new. This stage can bring confusion, impatience and anxiety. This could also be a time to see potential for new beginnings and options for change.
New Beginning: Start to embrace change and feel optimism. You feel hopeful, maybe even excited for the changes happening. You feel more positive energy and renewed view of the future.
How long each phase lasts is completely individual to the person going through it. There may be days when you feel confident and strong but there may be days where you cry into your pillow (I may or may not have done this numerous time as of late😉) and feel lost. It takes time!
*William Bridges Transition Model
“The Only Thing Constant Is Change.” - Heraclitus
So how can we manage these inevitable shifts in our lives and come out the other side stronger and more resilient?
Give Yourself Some Grace!
As I mentioned above, some days will be easier and some will be hard. Try not to judge how you feel as “good or bad”, they are YOUR feelings. What’s most important is that you notice and acknowledge how you feel and honor that. When you try to push down or push away hard feelings, they tend to come back bigger and scarier then they really are. Take a mindful moment or two to acknowledge and feel the feels!
Self-Care Is Essential.
Are your basic needs being met? Making sure to get enough rest (not just sleep…REST), staying hydrated and eating properly (for the most part…hey, chocolate has lots of antioxidants, right?) will make a big difference in how you handle heavy emotions. Not many good decisions are made when we are ‘hangry’ or sleep deprived!
Stay In The MOMENT!
I can’t stress this enough! It’s easy to get caught up in the stress of it all and spend valuable energy ruminating about the past or projecting thoughts of what the future may hold, but it’s almost never helpful.
If I spend too much time thinking about my son leaving for college I will be sad all the time and miss the amazing moments with him right in front of me! Focusing on where you are will allow you to take it little by little, step by step rather than feeling overwhelmed. This is where a mindfulness practice will be so valuable in helping to keep you in the here and now.
Stay Connected.
Having a strong social network of family and friends you can rely on is important to managing big changes and difficult transitions. Be vulnerable! You can be strong and need help at the same time and it takes strength to reach out. It’s beneficial to find others that may be going through something similar as well. Turning 50 has been big, but having a group of women that are reaching that milestone has made it easier and truthfully, fun! Lots of laughs ( and some complaining) on all that comes with aging for sure:).
Draw From Your Strengths.
Take time to reflect on how you managed difficult times, challenges and transitions in the past. Your experience is incredibly valuable in how easily you move forward. Draw from those experiences and use the skills you have built from them! Asking yourself how the resilience you have created can be used in this situation.
Understanding that nothing lasts forever… feelings, difficult times, transitions and life’s obstacles will end. There will be new beginnings, more resilience built, lessons learned and more life to live and enjoy on the other side of these tricky times. Hoping the next transition life throughs your way you can use these tips to help you THRIVE instead of just survive!